I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
