I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
