direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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