Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
