i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
