i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
