question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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