He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
