He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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