I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
