Got a toothbrush?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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