Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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