Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
