In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
