my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
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Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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