I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
