I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
