why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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