Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
