I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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