the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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