Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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