so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Come on in and take your pants off
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