I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i believe in u and ur pee
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
