Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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