I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
