He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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