I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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