I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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