I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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