I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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