No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
