i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
