You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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