her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
