I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
