$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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