I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
