Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
