Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
