nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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