capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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