my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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