worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
