Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
