That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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