omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
