if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
