you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
