That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
