i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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