that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
