i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
