I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
