I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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