Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i out mim tonsoeep
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