I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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