hotel room ftw
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
