apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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