fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
this will be a night to untag.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
