it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
