dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
