Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
