the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
