How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
