As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
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Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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