You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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