Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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