I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
