yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
