You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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