I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
