I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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