Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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