Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
