Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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