two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
