Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we're making bets on your personal life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
