If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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