Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
