proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My cat gives me a boner
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
