Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
