There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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